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Hello, lovely people.

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Welcome to episode 13 of How to Get Your Sheet Together.

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As mentioned in my last podcast episode, I am going to change things around a little bit.

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So I have decided to continue with my bi-monthly writings.

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So I will post every two weeks and I will also have some kind of recording every two weeks.

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So it's still similar to what I did in the past, but I will only have

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a typical podcast once a month.

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But I would like to start with something new, and that is a breathing exercise.

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So let's get started with that.

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Ahem.

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Today we will practice a few minutes of mindfowl breathing.

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Let's begin by taking a moment to allow your body to settle into a comfortable position.

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That could mean you are sitting,

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lying down like Dracula,

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or are standing on your head with a fan pointed at your genitals.

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Whatever makes you feel more comfortable.

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Perhaps you want to close your eyes or stare at the dirty laundry as if you had too many mushrooms.

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Now, allow your spine to lift, if you know what that means, and your shoulders to soften.

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Begin by taking a short breath in and a long breath out.

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We're now going to count a few breaths.

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So on your next inhale, count silently to yourself.

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One fuck you length breath in, one motherfucker length breath out.

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Fuck you, motherfucker.

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Allow your breath to help you calm your tits.

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Think about what is disturbing your tits.

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Perhaps you have encountered some asshats in the wild.

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Or perhaps you are just sick of your own shit and you'd rather become a burrito.

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That's okay.

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It will pass.

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Tomorrow is a new day.

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Just breathe.

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One fuck you, one motherfucker.

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Fuck you, motherfucker.

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If that advice didn't work, imagine your tit disturbers catapulted off the face of the earth.

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And breathe.

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One fuck you, one motherfucker.

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Fuck you, motherfucker.

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Sit with this sage-as-fuck advice for a little while,

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and when you're ready,

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gently open your eyes and return to your day.